Memoirs of a Short Man

The life of a short man is full of jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. I have always been shorter than my peers have. I have come to terms with it more so as I have gotten older, but every once in a while I still hope for a random growth spurt. Unfortunately, I do not think it is going to happen. Apparently, it is uncommon for a thirty-one year old.

My first gripe about being a short man is the natural limitation concerning members of the opposite sex. Being a short man, I always search for a women that are my height or shorter. One would think that this would be universal, but it is not. All of the tall men tend to want the tiny women. It seems that these skyscrapers could have found a woman from average height to their height. Aside from making sense, this would also permit me a larger pool to work with. It seems only fair.

Secondly, how many short jokes do I have to hear? I get it. I am not very tall. The, “I don’t think your tall enough to ride this ride” is always a fun one at the county fair for the billionth time. Luckily, for me I take my handicap in stride and usually beat them to the punch line. My crusades have afforded me a plethora of witty short man humor. By cracking the short jokes before they can, I can come off as the funny short man. Such aspirations I have.

Lastly, every time something is out of reach, it is a blast to the ego. I find it hilarious when my wife asks me to get something up high, since I am all of a half an inch taller than she is. I guess I should thank her for allowing me to feel more like a man on occasion.

Do not get me wrong, I am sure there are benefits to being short, I just do not know of any. Fortunately, I hear that they have heel implants now. This way I can be the slightly taller short man with the abnormally sized feet. I have learned to live with my Napoleon complex and my short stature. It was not easy, but I will make the best of it. Next time that someone attempts to overlook me for a pick-up game of basketball I will inform that I am not short, just gravity sensitive and I will not stand for their intolerance.